Heroes

January 10, 2008 – 6:01 am

“We all want to be heroes. We want to be the one to fix it all, to mend the broken, to find the lost. Sometimes I feel like I have the ticket to doing something, but usually I feel lost. I wish I weren’t so lost. Dreaming of who I want to be, who I doubt I will ever be, because I cant handle it, I cant be what I want to be. I’m no hero. I never will be. I wouldn’t know where to start. I wish the world were smaller, I wish people really cared, but more than anything, I wish somebody knew who I was, I wish I were a better photographer. I wish somebody would listen. I wish I could.”

I wrote this the other evening as I faced one of several moments in my life where I completely questioned everything I am and my ability to do what it is I desire from life. I thought, as you can see, I was in the darkest hour, of some sort, but that sort of thing happens with me occasionally.

The cause of this mood was Eugene Richards. Yes, it might seem hard to believe such a humble human being could bring someone into such a sickening state, but he is capable of such. Let me explain.
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By Matt | Posted in Photography, storytelling | Comments (0)

Rite of passage

January 10, 2008 – 5:18 am

Several weeks back, right at the end of my time in London, I  noticed a huge surge of commentary concerning the importance of assisting to earn your rite. I have spent the last 3 months assisting and shooting at a photography studio in London. Assisting in a studio and not with a single photographer has its benefits, but its a less than perfect situation.

The biggest benefit of assisting at a studio is the variety of people you have the opportunity to work alongside. I assisted about eight different photographers, several of them many times, ranging in experience from 4 years to 25, some working freelance and others maintaing representation by massive agencies. They come in, set up the lights, and shoot. I make sure to note their (usually very simple) lighting strategy and outcome, I note how many they shoot, and how many are “choice” and compare them. I find that experience determines the outcome almost all the time, I never see an experienced shooter deleting mass amounts of photos from their camera before we run the card, they don’t have to, they got it right, they are usually just as comfortable shooting Fuji Velvia as they are Sandisks, and it shows. Simply put, they know what they are doing.

Really, the only downfall of working with a studio is the limited contact you have with the photographer. I would often not meet them until they walked into the studio, ready to shoot, so I know only one part of what they do. They don’t get to know me particularly well. They quickly figure out that I can change the fuse in the lights, I know what is wrong with their camera, and yes, I do have a sync cable, oh and a battery? yes, of course.

At the end of the day, that is what makes a photographer good, can they shoot the assignment in the time given to them? Or are they asking 12 people to stay until midnight on a Friday? Are they asking to come in the next day to finish? Because it isn’t happening, we will call in another photographer to finish it on Monday and remove this guy’s name from the “list”. Its a very simple business, and very “old fashioned” in many ways, but thats because those ways of operating work.

Assisting the variety of photographers I had the opportunity to work with at Le Studieau taught me a great deal. I learned what made a photographer good, and most of the time it wasn’t the quality of their work, that was an expectation. Lighting is simple but can you make a doorman-cum-model look like a spicy sex machine? No? I guess I will update the database tomorrow morning.

By Matt | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

Were all living

December 23, 2007 – 6:42 pm

When I sometimes hear of an artistic rendering is cliche, I would review, and often agree. But as I live my life, I am beginning to see that cliche is just another way of saying real.

I think of the eternal question of whether art dictates life or life dictates art, and I am beginning to think art depicts what we wish life was, what we ultimately wish we could be; that we could live the everlasting, but we know it isn’t possible. And ultimately, we probably want the cliche after all.

The moments that make up our memories are nothing more than seconds, determined by our mood, and feelings; this emotion determines the way we remember. I lately have been thinking of a certain set of memories and particular events come to mind, but as the days progress, I find I remember differently each day. But how? Our mind creates our memory, and when an artist is able to tell that in a relative way, she becomes great. That greatness is in itself a cliche. But isn’t everything? Aren’t there too many stories floating in the world to aviod such a cliche? Haven’t they all been told already? Our lives interrelate and follow the same course, how could they not be? It is what we live.

Were all living. It certainly is a great story, indeed.

By Matt | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

Back Home

December 10, 2007 – 10:28 pm

My time at the photography studio and modeling agency is coming to a close. I will return to America on the 18th of December and will be back to my old life. I hope it doesn’t return to the same monotonous reality it was before I left; I hope I can maintain the progression I have found in the previous months, but I doubt it greatly.

I will return to university next month, and be taking some of the final classes for my degree, very difficult classes. I don’t know how interesting I will find them, sometimes I find business very interesting, when I am in a proactive capitalist mood, and lately I have found myself in that sort of mood. Other times I am in a existentialist artist mood, seeking to create the next story or essay, seeking to correct he downfalls of the human condition through an image. Other times I just want to way watch a little television and rot away.

I hope to get my own apartment when I get back to Greensboro as to escape the partying side of the school and buckle down on my own advancements and my studies all the same. I look forward to spending time with my old friends, discussing the state of the economy and how Google is doing. I feel like my friends have grown with me, or maybe they were already there, but I feel like I will be able to relate to them on a deeper level now. The losses I have incurred during my time in London, the break in, the break up; and the consequential growth from those things, have changed who I am and who I want to be.

It’s getting dark in London, and time for me to get back to work. At least it didn’t rain today, even though it is bloody cold.

Some things I am looking forward to doing when I get back:

  • Getting a new, small, and efficient car (what does anybody think of the Honda Fit?)
  • Sorting out the whole archiving issues so I can maintain my work, so I don’t lose 50,000 originals again
  • Setting up an apartment where I can work efficiently
  • Finding a job in a studio or a media agency, or possibly just shooting my own stock photos, if I don’t find anything

What I’m listening to right now: F0Rm Mix - FoeWeel (download here)

By Matt | Posted in News, Photography | Comments (0)

Like Tupac

December 4, 2007 – 8:23 pm

What if one was to say he wanted to rap? Yes, so this white cracker wants to rap, yes, rap. But not really. I grew up in the hard side of the city, going to the roughest high school in the district. As a white and middle class boy, it was difficult. I have always been aware of the hardships brought about by single parents, drug addictions, poverty, minority politics, and the whole lot, (not to undermine the magnitude of these complex issues) but it exists and became the norm for me and them. I experienced much of that myself, at different times, and probably not to the level many do, but a deep enough dip for tasting.

Rap has always told the story of hardship, of pain, and mistreatment. Resonating the sounds of 1960’s black American struggles, rap is the rhythm of life for many. Rap is story. It tells the story of life. The story of pain. The story of modern slavery. The story of disregard for human needs. It is an epic methodology, detailing the tragedy of human condition.

I want to rap in the same way Tupac preached us about years on the street, in “Life Goes On.” I grew up listening to Tupac, and B.I.G. - bumping from radios on the school bus, as we all rapped about our own 15 year old lives, wanting to grow up to be like Tupac (just not dead), but able to get out, to escape the hard life. We couldn’t fully understand the constant thought of death and prison, but I know that many of my homies on that bus now do; I know one of them was shot last year outside a diner in my old neighbourhood and that several are chillin in prison. Now, they might be able to recognize that all that matters is that we don’t die alone.

I want to scream into a microphone the sounds of pain and death and mistreatment; mixed with hope and passion and love. But not with words, for I have no rhythm for such, I want to illustrate stories of human conditions sometimes far more real than the mind has the capacity to understand. Rap tells me exists; I see it everyday. Let me use the lens and light to rap. Just let me do it.

By Matt | Posted in Photography | Comments (0)

Just setting up

November 29, 2007 – 9:38 pm

Just a note, I am setting this all up, it will be a while before this is of any value to the world. For now, read David Alan Harvey’s blog… http://davidalanharvey.typepad.com/road_trip

By Matt | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)